I tried Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) to treat my depression and anxiety.
It had been 8 years since my first experience with severe depression. The kind of depression that zaps all life from your body and steals the spark from your spirit.
Over the course of those 8 years, I had been to therapy on and off with 6 different therapists, got an official diagnosis of c-PTSD and Major Depressive Disorder, worked with 4 psychiatrists to try 8 different medications, on top of 2 MRI’s, 1 hospital visit, a dozen acupuncture sessions, bloodwork, metabolic and thyroid panels, and genetic testing.
I was exhausted — physically, mentally, and spiritually. My brain and body were so drained from the daily battle that is living with mental health challenges on top of being a mom of two young kids.
I’m a fighter. It’s in my personality to not give up, but damn — I was out of breath, and I definitely felt out of options by 2021.
My last psychiatrist put me on a medication specifically for people with PTSD. I live with chronic, vivid nightmares that make me feel like I’ve been running for my life all night long, resulting in me waking up overwhelmed with a body full of stress hormones and with a throbbing headache and aching neck from hours of clenching my jaw.
The data for this drug that my 4th psychiatrist suggested looked promising, but weeks went by and the dosage increased with no improvement in my sleep or lessening of my nightmares.
At this point, my psychiatrist could see how exhausted I was, and she prescribed a medication that she was sure would block out all nightmares and give me a few nights of good sleep. This was a temporary medication since it was “strong,” she said.
I took that medication, and there were no changes. My psychiatrist doubled the dose, and still…nightmares.
After feeling like a science experiment with no helpful findings for almost a decade, I came across Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation, also known as TMS. If this is your first time hearing about it, let me give you the Mayo Clinic definition:
Transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) is a noninvasive procedure that uses magnetic fields to stimulate nerve cells in the brain to improve symptoms of depression. TMS is typically used when other depression treatments haven't been effective.
TMS was approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration in 2008, and since then it’s even been approved for treating Obsessive Compulsive Disorder in 2018, and “anxious depression” (anxiety that coexists with depression) in 2021.
Looking into this, I was impressed, and kind of annoyed that I didn’t learn about this treatment sooner. The success rates sounded amazing too. According to Dr. Adam Stern, a contributor at Harvard Health Blog, “Roughly 50% to 60% of people with depression experience a clinically meaningful response with TMS. About one-third of these individuals experience a full remission, meaning that their symptoms go away completely. It is important to acknowledge that these results, while encouraging, are not permanent. Like most other treatments for mood disorders, there is a high recurrence rate. However, most TMS patients feel better for many months after treatment stops, with the average length of response being a little more than a year.”
Exciting data right? I thought so.
I asked my psychiatrist if she could refer me to get TMS since I was experiencing either short-lived or no changes on the medications I’ve tried over the past 8 years. My psychiatrist warned me that TMS is expensive and that unless I’ve tried “a lot of medications” to treat my symptoms, my insurance would probably not cover it.
Freaking insurance standing in the way of mental health care, per the usual, but I digress.
I decided to call my insurance, and I found that I was only required to try one medication for depression, and if there wasn’t success, I was eligible for TMS. Score! Been there, done that years ago.
Obviously, every insurance company has different parameters for eligibility, so always call your own insurance company — questions and notepad ready — to get the facts!
I was ready to make this commitment to try TMS. After all, it was noninvasive and the potential side effects of pain at the treatment site and headache were okay to me considering what I had already experienced on oral medication.
So what was the treatment like? Did it hurt? Would I also join the one-third of patients who saw a full remission of their symptoms? I answer these questions and a few others below!
How long was TMS / how many treatment sessions did you have?
I was being treated for “Anxious Depression,” so I had to do 36 treatment sessions over the course of 6 weeks. The number of treatment sessions you have changes depending on what you’re being treated for. I drove to and from the treatment center 5-6 days a week. Each treatment lasted about 45 minutes.
Where did you get your TMS Treatment?
I did my treatment at Greenbrook TMS Center in Irvine, California. I am not sponsored or affiliated with them. I paid for my own treatment with my own money.
Did TMS hurt?
Yes, at first. For the first two weeks of treatment, the “power” of the magnetic stimulation was “really high” according to the technicians because my body wasn’t responding to anything lower (yay…). Needless to say, those first two weeks were challenging and the treatment did hurt. Nothing impossible, but it was rough. I experienced headaches and light sensitivity after treatment, but that was all.
After those initial two weeks, my body became more relaxed during treatment, and the technicians were able to lower the power, making treatment way more comfortable, which also helped the headaches and light sensitivity to go away.
A non-medical side effect of doing TMS was that I got to watch a lot of The Great British Bakeoff while I got my brain zapped every day. It was a nice mom-vacation from my other responsibilities. Lol
Did you need to do anything in your life to prepare for treatment?
Yes. I had to get as much sleep as possible. I was required to eat and drink water before treatment, and I was asked that I keep my stress to a minimum. They also asked that I avoid caffeine and alcohol before treatment because it can affect the brain’s ability to respond to the treatment.
For example, one time I had coffee before treatment, and I was way more sensitive to the magnet. It hurt a lot more. Another thing that I think made the technicians have to up the power of the magnet was this supplement I was taking called L-Theanine. The technicians and doctor didn’t have a problem with it, but when I explained that L-Theanine is a supplement that helps calm nerves, we all realized that I needed to stop taking it. Once I stopped, they were able to lower the power. So, just be mindful that supplements are important, even though they often get overlooked by medical professionals and patients (in my experience).
Did TMS heal your anxiety and depression?
No, unfortunately, TMS did not work for me, and I actually ended the 6 weeks of treatment more depressed than when I started. I think this was mostly due to me undergoing treatment in November and December — during the holiday season — which is when a lot of my traumatic experiences are tied to.
I actually started treatment in a pretty good mental and physical state because, for whatever reason, I was sleeping better than I had in YEARS for about 3 weeks before I started TMS (I have a few reasons as to why my sleep improved briefly, but that’s another blog post for another day). But Thanksgiving came, and with it my nightmares returned with a vengeance that has continued for the past 6 months (I am currently writing this on April 12, 2022).
Was I just not receptive to TMS or was my sleep deprivation and c-PTSD getting in the way of any improvement — or was it both? I’m not sure, but as I write this my depression and anxiety have not been great. I’ve had much worse seasons with my mental health, but I’m definitely not thriving and functioning in the way I know I could be.
Does this mean I shouldn’t try TMS for myself?
Heck no. If it’s accessible to you, try it! You’re worth the investment even if it only makes you feel a little bit better. After all, my experience can be completely different than yours!
Do you feel like TMS was a waste of time and money?
Well, no. I don’t feel like it was a waste. I think this is partly due to the fact that my insurance covered most of the cost (Thank goodness!). Mostly, I feel extremely grateful — like so much gratitude — for the opportunity to even do TMS! I had the time and the money, I lived pretty close to the treatment center, and my husband was home full-time with our kids. It couldn’t have been a better line up of circumstances. So no, it wasn’t a waste, and I’m glad I did it. Even with a disappointing result at the end of the treatment, I still gained helpful information for me to know as I move forward.
So, what’s next for you?
I’ve moved to Portugal (more on that later), still depressed, anxious, and exhausted, but trying not to postpone my life until I’m “better.” I’m working on regaining my mental health and improving my sleep, and you can follow along that journey on my YouTube channel. I write blog posts, but I post on YouTube more frequently.
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